Therapy is not self-soothing
not a foam-topped amber
or ring of skunky smoke
not the apology I was waiting for
or the memory I forgot

Therapy does not dry tears
or keep my plants alive
or turn off the hurting
In fact, therapy burns sometimes
and burns without warming

Therapy will not answer questions
or quiet the bad dreams
not knead any knots
in either shoulder
or unpick the pockets in skin

Therapy cannot prescribe healing
but therapy listens 

My name is Libertas
better known as Lady Liberty
little known as spoken word poet
and bossy, opinionated bronze bitch
Not that anyone asked; after all 
I am just a Statue
I am just a woman
I was built by men to be silent accessory to the crimes I witness
posed with tablet tucked under arm, feet striding forward,
torch lifted high, enlightening the world 
just, not too brightly
lest all the immigrant flies fly here
with the intention to stay
I was once emancipator, patron of once-enslaved free
and their pileus caps of liberty
an abolitionist cap Davis denied to me,
rather gave me a crown
and I thought we were celebrating the end of a monarchy?
Thought the broken chains at my feet was the awakening of democracy
but it still seems y'all are still asleep
Seems that y'all don't care that I mean to welcome 
the tired, poor, homeless masses yearning to breathe free
because I'm your convenient propaganda pin-up
my face co-opted and stamped on every call to every war for this country
​where an aristocratic wealthy spit pennies on the streets,
call it charity
call it government assistance
call it trickle-down economics
as people in Flint die from lead poisoning
I don't know what I stand for now

Queens
My 718 playground
Trick-or-treat fall bounty
Chain swing sidewalk chalk cradle 
Schoolyard for scabby knees and hiding at the neighbors
from the cool burn of belt buckle SMACK 
Minefield sidewalk every crack could snap my mother in half
so, travel by skipping 
See the world by tree-climbing 
and failing to reach that bluebird nest 
Fall and bleed many times 
while looking for chocolate in high shelves
Dream of running away 
Run away, but get no further than the screen door 
get spanked for trying
Shiver at empty shoes swaying from telephone lines
sight most chilling by lamplight
wonder where the children had gone
if they could survive in this city barefoot

A quiet sets in
paper-weights my chest
I am light as a suggestion
lonesome as an hour after close
in this sports bar that doesn't know
how to treat my kind of thirst
Escape is not what I'm lusting;
I think I'm hoping for home, so
as the beery crowd sounds rise, swell
the voices in me bite down, taste blood
and finally, I open to a blank page
click my pen
write
until the words take a shape that I recognize

tonight was a stomach ache i cooked myself
i did all the right things: 
waited my turn for the pot
boiled, salted, simmered
chopped half an onion, pinched my plant for basil
rinsed out arrabbiata, set aside glass for recycling
chopped a quarter melon
gave my dog the rinds
left the sink empty and drying rack full
so that insomnia could have me for supper

graduated without 4.0
without The Very Important Award
without acceptance letter
without speech
without salary
without much interest in what said at Commencement
     or friend to distract while sitting through
without Linguistics degree or Nature publication
much less, thesis in fiction writing
without my name on a brick or conversational Spanish
without Them—no, not even Her
without closure
without fame
without wishing I could start over

graduated with self-made degree
with poetry
with pockets
     ​and an extra inch or two in heels
with medication
with big-hearted little dog back at the apartment
with Honors and Distinction and a touch of Relief
with love down the block, a text away
with overcast sky and broken promise of rain
with blood searching the sea of blue gowns for me
with pimple, just one
with humility
with hope
with dying seedlings, overwatered by my hand

What DBT Taught Me About Leadership that My Leadership Program Didn't

1. When life presents you with problems, what are your options?
SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE PROBLEM.
TOLERATE THE PROBLEM.
STAY MISERABLE.

2. To understand behavior,
describe the PROBLEM BEHAVIOR,
the PROMPTING EVENT,
the factors happening
that made you VULNERABLE,
in excruciating detail the CHAIN OF EVENTS,
the CONSEQUENCES
Describe
skillful behavior to head off the problem 

3. Mindfulness
Touch something
a leaf, a flower
pay attention to 
taste of each mouthful
when 
chewing
notice when you have the urge to swallow.
When worries go round and round
Gaze at your mind
Try not to jump on the train
Do this when you feel lonely 

4. Guidelines for Objectives Effectiveness: Getting What You Want
Stick to the facts.
Express your FEELINGS and OPINIONS
​Assert
ASKING for what you want or SAYING NO
keep replaying the same thing again and again
No saying, "I'm not sure," etc.
Tolerate
the discussion even if it gets painful
Abandon blame.
Acknowledge the valid.

5. When deciding how firm or intense you want to be in asking or saying no, think about:
other
or you own capability
priorities
The degree of give and take 
RELATIONSHIP shaky? Consider reducing intensity.
Would saying no violate
rights? 
make you feel bad about yourself
regret or resent saying no
Do you know what you are agreeing to?
If NO, raise the intensity.

6. when someone else invalidates you
Describe 
in a matter-of-fact way
your mind
Check the facts.
stand up 
if you are correct or 
reasonable
Accept that it hurts
feel the pain.
talk to yourself with 
compassion

​for vicki 

I came to Carolina in a waking dream
limbs glued in broken shapes, predator faces pasted to the backside of eyelids
     But you called me by my name
I stumbled through the motions of fun
method acting recovery, every lecture hall a stage where I played another character
     But you called me by my name
I wheezed out a long list of joyful accidents
smiles that left shadows on my face, breathless and apologetically jumbled
     But you called me by my name
I doubt the girl in the mirror still
shame clouding her features, blurring time lines such that I am dragged back sometimes
     But you remind me of that light in my pen, the poetry in my mind; your embrace recalls my skin
     No matter how my humanity disguised, you always knew and called my name

Body Meets Dress/Dress Meets Body
Lumpish thing, beautiful bumpish thing
breathing in my chest, blow bubble with cold sweat
pausing on an unplucked brow, perched above a smooth forehead long outgrown
the acne.
Cover Girl
pretty tumor skirt
sum of time-outs, low grades, belt buckle spankings
of every dandelion blown, every prayer answered in one way or another
all the borders crossed
Hyphenated model, purgatory fashion, neither Heaven/Hell would take me
nonbeliever and skeptic
faithful culture traitor.
Mutilate me perfect
carve up a smile or pretty blush
but mouth stays gaping, delivering political thought
a dangerously educated metastasis.
Dress me up Barbie, parade around the gawkers who grimace with envy
and revulsion at my dress body
inside turned outside, visible diseased brain
no hiding
no longer.

"Hey, how are you!"

>Behind on everything, deadlines have tacked up Wanted posters with a bounty on my head.
>Undermedicated, overmedicated, sleep-deprived, etc.
>My upper traps, neck, and both wrists ache. Prognosis is bleak. 
>I burnt a bag of popcorn in the microwave last night; my apartment smells like an unsatisfying emergency.
>Feeling ugly, unoriginal, useless. 
>Good.