27. if i were an eraser

if i were an eraser
i'd be lopsided with good intentions
and misguided with guilt 
i'd praise the blank page
the do-evers
the rage quits
the ghost that once populated your phone with 
sweet before-bed messages 
i'd help you forget 
or pretend to not know those gray smudges
that remind you of Billy Joel,
scraped knees,
belt buckles,
unkissed cheeks & unresolved arguments,
apologies that choked to death in your throat
alongside the corpses of the word, "no"
and the word, "yes"
and the hope that you'd learn how to let your eyes
smile again
i'd rub myself raw trying to convince you that 
the safest place is nowhere
not even inside of yourself 
that perfect takes giving up and looking for
an alternative way to fuck up,
repeat
that uncertainty is a way of life and
regret is a body
to embrace mistakes only as a chance to
play yourself like a game and cheat 
code your way to victory
though, the only way to win is to lose to yourself too
so maybe just pause life indefinitely
maybe just restart the board
scatter the pieces 
then throw them away
faster, faster, repeat, erase
i'd leave a trail of blanks behind 
like a gun that won't stop firing 
won't stop triggering until
i'm empty 
until i've disappe