DIFFIDENCE
I tremble in the sunlight
And shiver in my skin
It’s come again for me to-day
I know it best
I let it in
I swear I’d like to kill it
To fill it, to do away with it all
Unhealthy shades of hesitation
Subjugating imagination
Choking all the inspiration
In the world so drab and dull
I’m mad
Bitten knuckles mad
It coaxes me to acquiesce, but
It disturbs me when I rest and I
Can’t live by its behest because
Goddamnit, I’m headstrong
It never is enough though
Inevitably my spunk gives out
And I am left to pray that this day
With its blistering hot rage
Gives me back what made me brave
Before I tossed it all
Soon the beasts will be a’squabbling
In my tormented chest
I tell me to quit the cheese, but
Everyone knows that peace ain’t free and when you
Betray yourself at such times of need
It’s hard to keep your calm
No way of knowing who nor how
To be to banish this poor clown
That’s me when I shrink and I slack and
I lose all character and feel oh-so-very
small
Addendum:
I abhor few things more than I do the cowardice in me. It keeps me awake at night and makes me physically, mentally, and emotionally sick. This poem is about my fear of fear.
I tremble in the sunlight
And shiver in my skin
It’s come again for me to-day
I know it best
I let it in
I swear I’d like to kill it
To fill it, to do away with it all
Unhealthy shades of hesitation
Subjugating imagination
Choking all the inspiration
In the world so drab and dull
I’m mad
Bitten knuckles mad
It coaxes me to acquiesce, but
It disturbs me when I rest and I
Can’t live by its behest because
Goddamnit, I’m headstrong
It never is enough though
Inevitably my spunk gives out
And I am left to pray that this day
With its blistering hot rage
Gives me back what made me brave
Before I tossed it all
Soon the beasts will be a’squabbling
In my tormented chest
I tell me to quit the cheese, but
Everyone knows that peace ain’t free and when you
Betray yourself at such times of need
It’s hard to keep your calm
No way of knowing who nor how
To be to banish this poor clown
That’s me when I shrink and I slack and
I lose all character and feel oh-so-very
small
Addendum:
I abhor few things more than I do the cowardice in me. It keeps me awake at night and makes me physically, mentally, and emotionally sick. This poem is about my fear of fear.